Pre Market Briefing: Hopium Hangover in Absurdistan
Dispatches from The Last Sane Bastard in This Casino
6:17 AM EDT, June 25, 2025, Heavily Fortified Compound, Marco Island
Oh, what a glorious morning, you hopium-jonesing degenerates! The bender’s wearing off—DOW -44, SPX -3.25, NDX +10.25, and this ridiculous $VIX snoozing at 17.33. Will the bats circle and spark another hair-of-the-dog rally? Who the hell knows—WTF do I know anyway, right? Welcome to Fear and Loathing in Trader Hell, where I, KingCAMBO, your sarcastic gonzo oracle since ‘96, wield my price target sledgehammer through this pre-market shitshow.
Market Mutterings
September futures are a hungover mess—DOW down 44, SPX off 3.25, NDX clinging to +10.25, and the VIX dreaming of sub-17. Why? Because the hopium haze is fading, you brilliant idiots! New Home Sales for May drop today—builders like Lennar are whining about tariffs, so don’t expect a housing orgasm. Micron (MU) and General Mills earnings hint if tech chips or Cheerios still seduce investors. And at 10:00 AM EDT, Jerome “I Know Nothing” Powell mumbles his fed-speak fucktardery to the Senate—brace for drivel.
$BTC: Rocket or Ruin?
$BTC at $107,148.25 is riding the overnight high—did those weeks in the 104K–105K prison compress a bullish beast? “Jus wrike wrocket!” My intraday targets:
$107,245.83
$107,644.93
$108,044.02
$108,642.66
$109,640.40
Bust those, and I’ll reboot my Flux Capacitor. Downside’s $98,504.80, probed Sunday at $98,276.14—bottom in? Where’s Beeks, you crypto clowns?
Dive into Beavis, Butthead, and Bitcoin: A Gonzo Ride to $236,887 or Bust.
Pre-Market Bloviations
NVDA (147.90): Nvidia’s AI hype teeters—$148 or a $145 dip.
NU (13.43): Nu’s utility buzz—$13.70 or $13 crash.
AMD (138.43): AMD’s chip grind—$140 or $137 splat
.
CCL (25.70): Carnival’s cruise gamble—$26 or $25 flop.
Join the Mob
This is Steadman chaos—free subs get the madness. Join the 168 and growing mob.
Follow My Fucking Notes for intraday brain-fuckery —short, savage, and in your grill, you pikers!
Reply with your pre-market play—I’ll roast or salute it. Share: Spread the Chaos.
I am KingCAMBO, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em, and that’s how I ROLL on this pre-market shitshow!
King Cambo’s Fear and Loathing “Legal” Disclaimer: Alright, buckle up, you madcap truth-seekers, ‘cause I’m about to sling this disclaimer straight from the edge of a neon-drenched abyss, for you magnificent bastards, with a belly full of cheap whiskey and a mind like a chrome-plated slot machine spitting sparks. This ain’t no polite suggestion to buy or sell stocks, securities, or any of that Wall Street bullshit—it’s just my raw, unfiltered brain-droppings, spewed out like a busted fire hydrant. I’m a walking financial disaster, hemorrhaging cash on trades and investments like a gambler on a three-day bender. I might snatch up any stock I yap about here or dump it faster than a getaway car at a bank heist, and I won’t send you a postcard about it. This ain’t a pitch to buy or sell jack shit! I might own the names I’m ranting about, or I might not—could be bullish and empty-handed, bearish with a fistful of shares. Hell, assume I’m playing the exact opposite game you think, just to keep you on your toes. If I’m long, I could flip short before the ink dries; if I’m short, I might go long by lunch. No updates, no apologies—my positions shift like desert sands in a sandstorm. You’re out here in the wilds, solo, so don’t you dare lean on my blog for your big money moves. I’m a fringe-dweller, howling at the moon, and the publisher ain’t vouching for the half-cocked “facts” I sling. These ain’t the opinions of my bosses, buddies, or anyone else dumb enough to know me. I do my damndest to keep my disclosures straight, but I’m scribbling this after a few beers, maybe a shot of mezcal, so don’t bet your ranch on my accuracy. I tweak my posts after they’re live ‘cause I’m an impatient bastard, too lazy to proofread. Spot a typo? Come back in 30 minutes, it might be gone—or worse. And let’s get one thing crystal: I fuck up. “I fuck up a lot.” I’m saying it twice ‘cause it’s the only gospel I’ve got. Now go, you beautiful lunatics, and don’t blame me when the market chews you up and spits you out.
Loved the breakdown on liquidity tightening and how that’s starting to weigh on momentum plays. Definitely a reminder to stay nimble and respect the broader context, not just the headlines. Looking forward to your next update!