Pre-Market Briefing: Bullwinkle’s Revenge and Bitcoin’s Tease, June 6, 2025, 4:36 AM EDT
Here I am, you wretched market fiends, holed up in the pre-dawn darkness of my fortified compound on Marco Island—KingCAMBO, ready to unleash another vicious screed! Bullwinkle kicked me in the damn head while I was sleeping, so I fired up the coffee, spiked it with Patrón XO Café, and decided to crank out this hideous briefing. As of 4:36 AM EDT, June futures are getting all jiggy, printing: Dow (YM) +152, SPX (ES) +20.75, NDX (NQ) +69.50, while the VIX is double-parked at 18.23—a non-threat for now, like a sleeping alligator. But hold the damn phone, you miserable pikers—the YUGE jobs numbers drop at 8:30 AM, and it’s gonna blow this market wide open for a moonshot OR napalm the supports entirely, giving the Orange Menace a podium to scream RATE CUTS NOW DAMMIT! Buckle up—this is gonna be a wild ride!
Shitcoin’s After-Hours Tease
In the after-hours, Bitcoin probed the Magic 8 Ball level of $100,000.00, dipping its toe in the water before catching a bid—now it’s back at $103,630.75 and firming up, per X posts. New feature alert at the Fear and Loathing trading fortress: I’m projecting intraday BTC targets each morning. Based on recent support at $100,345.73, today’s resistance levels are:
• $103,643 – already there
• $104,586
• $105,528
• $106,941
If these get taken out, I’ll need to reboot my Flux Capacitor and calibrate higher targets. I’m still holding my “short-termish” upside at $116,313.22 and downside at $98,504.80—it almost tested that last night. Will it hold or fold? How the hell do I know? If it breaks, you’ll need a puke bucket. Want the raw scoop on Bitcoin’s rebellion? Check my screed: Bitcoin or Bust: Can Bitcoin Eventually Flip the Fed’s Monopoly Money?.
Stocks: The Usual Suspects in the Crosshairs
Let’s rip into the stocks, you bloodthirsty jackals. Direxion Daily TSLA Bull 2X Shares (TSLL) closed at $12.81, down -28.7% yesterday, per Yahoo Finance data, mirroring TSLA’s brutal -14.3% drop to $284.683. With jobs data looming, this leveraged ETF could swing hard—bulls better pray for a moonshot.
Fidelity Wise Origin Bitcoin Fund (FBTC) is at $84.27, down -1.5% from $85.56, tracking Bitcoin’s dip. It’s a rough ride from its $92.12 52-week high, and if BTC tests my $98K downside, FBTC’s gonna bleed more.
SPY closed at $592.19, down -0.5% yesterday, but futures are green, hinting at a bounce. The S&P 500’s been choppy, and jobs data could either fuel a rally or torch it—watch those supports at $580.
QQQ ended at $523.66, down -0.7%, with tech feeling the pre-jobs jitters. NDX futures are up, but if the numbers tank, expect a tech bloodbath—$510 is the line in the sand.
DIA closed at $422.64, down -0.3%, aligning with the Dow’s -108 drop. Futures are up, but the jobs report could make or break this—$415 is key support to watch.
IWM (Russell 2000 ETF) is at $216.19, down -0.8% yesterday. Small caps are twitchy ahead of jobs data—rate cut hopes are keeping them afloat, but a bad report could crush them. $210 is the floor.
TLT (20+ Year Treasury Bond ETF) closed at $93.56, up +0.4% as bonds catch a safe-haven bid. If jobs data sparks rate cut fever, TLT could surge—$95 is resistance to watch.
Market Movers: Jobs Data and Rate Cut Mania
The jobs report at 8:30 AM is the main event—expectations are sky-high for a blockbuster, but a miss could send this market into a tailspin. Rate cut hopes are fueling the VIX’s mild snooze at 18.23, but if volatility spikes, all bets are off. Bitcoin’s teasing $100K is a sideshow—keep your eyes on the macro storm brewing.
Engage with My Madness, You Gutless Wretches!
Crave more of my unhinged market rants? I dare you to follow my intraday inane drivel and sporadic brain droppings at https://kingcambo812.substack.com/notes—they’re short, savage, and will smack you in the face harder than Bullwinkle’s kick, you spineless pikers! Hit that follow button and join the chaos, if you’ve got the stones!
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Final Word
This market’s a powder keg, and jobs data’s the match. Survive the test, or get blown to bits. I am KingCAMBO, smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em, and that’s how I ROLL on this pre-market insanity.
King Cambo’s Fear and Loathing “Legal” Disclaimer: Alright, buckle up, you madcap truth-seekers, ‘cause I’m about to sling this disclaimer straight from the edge of a neon-drenched abyss, for you silly bastards, with a belly full of cheap whiskey and a mind like a chrome-plated slot machine spitting sparks. This ain’t no polite suggestion to buy or sell stocks, securities, or any of that Wall Street bullshit—it’s just my raw, unfiltered brain-droppings, spewed out like a busted fire hydrant. I’m a walking financial disaster, hemorrhaging cash on trades and investments like a gambler on a three-day bender. I might snatch up any stock I yap about here or dump it faster than a getaway car at a bank heist, and I won’t send you a postcard about it. This ain’t a pitch to buy or sell jack shit! I might own the names I’m ranting about, or I might not—could be bullish and empty-handed, bearish with a fistful of shares. Hell, assume I’m playing the exact opposite game you think, just to keep you on your toes. If I’m long, I could flip short before the ink dries; if I’m short, I might go long by lunch. No updates, no apologies—my positions shift like desert sands in a sandstorm. You’re out here in the wilds, solo, so don’t you dare lean on my blog for your big money moves. I’m a fringe-dweller, howling at the moon, and the publisher ain’t vouching for the half-cocked “facts” I sling. These ain’t the opinions of my bosses, buddies, or anyone else dumb enough to know me. I do my damndest to keep my disclosures straight, but I’m scribbling this after a few beers, maybe a shot of mezcal, so don’t bet your ranch on my accuracy. I tweak my posts after they’re live ‘cause I’m an impatient bastard, too lazy to proofread. Spot a typo? Come back in 30 minutes, it might be gone—or worse. And let’s get one thing crystal: I fuck up. “I fuck up a lot.” I’m saying it twice ‘cause it’s the only gospel I’ve got. Now go, you beautiful lunatics, and don’t blame me when the market chews you up and spits you out.