Fear and Loathing in Trader Hell: Cramer’s 30-Year Grift-Fest of Fuck-Ups - April 29, 2025
Dispatches from the Last Sane Bastard in This Casino
“Cramer’s 30-Year Grift-Fest of Fuck-Ups—Fear and Loathing in Trader Hell, April 29, 2025.”
Scrawled in a bourbon-soaked rage with a hard-on for vengeance, this paywall exclusive from Fear and Loathing in Trader Hell ain’t for the weak—it’s a gonzo chainsaw to the balls of Wall Street’s loudest grifter, Jim Cramer. CNBC’s hyping “Cramer’s 20 Years on CNBC” tonight, but let’s call bullshit—they’re shaving off a decade to hide the stench of this ass clown’s 30+ years of fuckery. Cramer’s been spewing market diarrhea on CNBC since the late ‘90s, a guest commentator turned co-host of Kudlow & Cramer (2002-2005), before Mad Money debuted in 2005. That’s 27 years of airtime, not 20, and his Wall Street grift dates back to the ‘80s—over 30 years of non-stop, grifter bullshit. From his hedge fund scams at Cramer Berkowitz to TheStreet.com’s snake oil, “Red Hots” picks, and that laughable Cramer’s Investing Club, this carny’s been fleecing rubes for decades. The Federal Reserve’s slot machine keeps rigging the game, but Cramer’s the pinstriped pimp barking at the suckers, and we’re here to cornhole every fuck-up he’s ever shat out. Strap in, you minions of paywall lunatics—this is a savage autopsy of a market huckster who deserves to be tarred, feathered, and run out of town.
Cramer’s Grift Empire: TheStreet, Red Hots, and Investing Club Circle-Jerk
Cramer co-founded TheStreet.com in 1996, a digital cesspool of market “insights” that’s been peddling his grift for nearly 30 years. By 2025, TheStreet is a rotting corpse, but Cramer’s still milking it with “Red Hots” picks—stocks he hypes like a carnival barker, only to leave investors holding a bag of flaming turds. X’s @BreadMakerRay (April 28) calls TheStreet “Cramer’s propaganda mill,” noting his NFLX sell call in 2012 cost followers 70% gains. Then there’s Cramer’s Investing Club, launched in 2021, a subscription scam where rubes pay $399.99 a year (CNBC archives) for his “wisdom.” X users like @jfd805 (April 27) label it “a grift for suckers,” pointing to Cramer’s 47% accuracy rate—worse than a coin flip. The Inverse Cramer ETF (SJIM) profits off his idiocy, up 10% YTD while Cramer’s picks bleed. “TheStreet, Red Hots, Investing Club—give me a fucking break! Cramer’s grift empire is a 30-year con, fleecing rubes while he snorts Wall Street’s coke-dust.”
Cramer’s Fuck-Up Hall of Shame: 30 Years of Bat-Shit Disasters
1987 Black Monday Prediction (2025): Cramer kicked off 2025 screaming about a “1987 Black Monday-style crash,” blaming Trump’s tariffs for a potential 20% S&P 500 drop. X users like @VikingFinanc (April 28) roasted his 47% accuracy, calling him a “broken clock.” S&P’s down 10% YTD—not a crash, just another Cramer face-plant. “Cramer’s 2025 Black Monday call is a tarot reading from a sweaty pig—same old fear-mongering, all squeal, no bacon.”
2007 “They Know Nothing!” Meltdown: August 2007, Cramer lost his shit on CNBC, screaming at Fed Chair Bernanke, “They know NOTHING!”—a sweaty, desk-banging tantrum about the housing crisis. He was right about the collapse—Bear Stearns tanked, markets halved by 2008—but his “cut rates” fix was a limp-dick prayer. X calls him a broken clock, right for the wrong reasons. “Cramer’s 2007 meltdown was a pig in a clown suit squealing truths—too bad his fix was a wet fart.”
Bear Stearns Debacle (2008): Cramer’s crown jewel of fuck-ups—March 11, 2008, he told viewers, “Your money is safe in Bear Stearns.” Six days later, Bear collapsed, sold to JPMorgan for $10 a share (down from $133). Jon Stewart roasted him in 2009, showing clips of Cramer’s optimism alongside AIG bailouts. X users still call him a snake oil peddler. “Cramer’s Bear Stearns call was a cyanide pill with a smile—trust this ass clown, and you’re a corpse.”
Hewlett Packard and Best Buy (2012): November 20, 2012, Cramer screamed “sell immediately” on HPQ and BBY. Six months later, HPQ soared 115.62%, BBY 124.64%. CBS News called it “statistically impossible” to be that wrong—followers lost 73.83% on HPQ before missing the rebound. “Cramer’s HPQ and BBY calls were a masterclass in eating shit—this grifter’s a one-man bagholder factory.”
Netflix and Green Mountain (2012): Cramer’s 2012 sell calls on NFLX (November 2) and Green Mountain (September) were a double-barreled disaster—NFLX skyrocketed, and Green Mountain spiked. X’s @BreadMakerRay
says NFLX cost followers 70%. “Cramer’s NFLX sell was a one-way ticket to the poorhouse—this pig shits on winners and calls it gold.”
Sunrun and United Natural Foods (2016-2022): Medium’s analysis of Cramer’s 2016-2022 picks shows his sell calls on Sunrun (RUN) and United Natural Foods (UNFI) backfired—RUN surged 115.10%, UNFI 114.30% in a month. Line: “Cramer’s Sunrun and UNFI sells were a middle finger to profit—his crystal ball’s a cracked dildo.” Google (Recent): X’s@VikingFinanc (April 28) called out Cramer for pushing a Google sell, later admitting it was a mistake. “Cramer’s Google sell was a brain fart in neon lights—another turd in his 30-year shitpile.”
Trump Endorsement (2024): August 2024, Cramer on Squawk on the Street: “If you care about your paycheck, go with Trump.” X users flipped, some voting Kamala out of spite, citing the “Inverse Cramer Effect.” The Inverse Cramer ETF (SJIM) profits off his idiocy, up 10% YTD. “Cramer’s Trump pitch was a political face-plant—X says bet against this clown, always.”
Cramer’s Hedge Fund Confessions: A Grifter’s Gospel
In a 2006 TheStreet webcast, Cramer bragged about manipulating stocks at Cramer Berkowitz, creating fake market activity—some of it illegal. He called CNBC’s Bob Pisani a “bozo” he could play like a fiddle and boasted about feeding fiction to The Wall Street Journal. Jon Stewart aired the clip in 2009, calling Cramer a knowing propagandist. X’s @jfd805 labels him a “paid shill” fleecing Main Street for 30 years. “Cramer’s a grifter who rigged the game—his hedge fund confessions are a 30-year middle finger to rubes, and TheStreet’s his pimp-mobile.”
Warsh’s Fed Reset: Cramer’s Blind Spot
Kevin Warsh’s “Fed reset” to gut the $6.2T balance sheet—a fiat fever swamp fueling this market’s sins—would’ve made yesterday’s intraday hell worse, but Cramer’s too busy jerking off to his CNBC anniversary. X’s @EconSavage hails Warsh’s machete, but Cramer’s Red Hots and Investing Club are blind to the Fed’s slot machine breaking. “While Warsh cornholes the Fed’s $6.2T beast, Cramer’s snorting TheStreet’s coke-dust, hyping Red Hots like a pig in heat.”
Sick of Cramer’s 30-year grift-fest and the Fed’s fiat-fueled fuckery? Dive into Fear and Loathing in Trader Hell’s Federal Reserve Fuckery series with Part 1, ‘Fiat Fever: A Gonzo Autopsy of the Federal Reserve’s Dark Heart,’ at https://kingcambo812.substack.com/p/fiat-fever-a-gonzo-autopsy-of-the. It’s a bat-shit plunge into the $6.2T slot-machine soul that Cramer’s too busy fucking up to notice.
Laughing Through the Carnage
CNBC’s “20 Years” hype is a polished turd—Cramer’s 30+ years of grift are a masterclass in fleecing rubes. TheStreet, Red Hots, Investing Club—give me a fucking break! From Bear Stearns to HPQ, NFLX to Google, he’s the inverse oracle: bet against this ass clown, and you might survive. My gangs of subs and those fresh converts are cackling in trader hell—what’s your play in this cornhole-crazed shitshow? Scream it in the comments or dive into the X swamp, where the bats feast on fiat fever. This is KingCAMBO’s bat country dispatch, published for the gonzo elite—see you in hell, you sick fucks.
KingCAMBO’s Disclaimer: Alright, buckle up, you madcap truth-seekers, ‘cause I’m about to sling this disclaimer straight from the edge of a neon-drenched abyss, for you magnificent bastards, with a belly full of cheap whiskey and a mind like a chrome-plated slot machine spitting sparks. This ain’t no polite suggestion to buy or sell stocks, securities, or any of that Wall Street bullshit—it’s just my raw, unfiltered brain-droppings, spewed out like a busted fire hydrant. I’m a walking financial disaster, hemorrhaging cash on trades and investments like a gambler with a hole in his pocket. I might snatch up any stock I yap about here, or dump it faster than a getaway car at a bank heist, and I won’t send you a postcard about it. This ain’t a pitch to buy or sell jack squat. I might own the names I’m ranting about, or I might not—could be bullish and empty-handed, bearish with a fistful of shares. Hell, assume I’m playing the exact opposite game you think, just to keep you on your toes. If I’m long, I could flip short before the ink dries; if I’m short, I might go long by lunch. No updates, no apologies—my positions shift like desert sands in a sandstorm. You’re out here in the wilds, solo, so don’t you dare lean on my blog for your big money moves. I’m a fringe-dweller, howling at the moon, and the publisher ain’t vouching for the half-cocked “facts” I sling. These ain’t the opinions of my bosses, buddies, or anyone else dumb enough to know me. I do my damndest to keep my disclosures straight, but I’m scribbling this after a few beers, maybe a shot of mezcal, so don’t bet your ranch on my accuracy. I tweak my posts after they’re live ‘cause I’m an impatient bastard, too lazy to proofread. Spot a typo? Come back in 30 minutes, it might be gone—or worse. And let’s get one thing crystal: I fuck up. “A lot.” I’m saying it twice ‘cause it’s the only gospel I’ve got. Now go, you beautiful lunatics, and don’t blame me when the market chews you up and spits you out.